I repeat, you are not your past. You are not in the past nor are you your past.
If you’re human, you’ve probably been through a thing or two, seen a few and felt a couple too.
But I’m here to tell you, you are not any of that. What you’ve seen, what you’ve felt and what you’ve feared is not who you are.
There is a place in the past that can sometimes haunt, most times hurt and all times harm. Harm in the sense that we feel fear, all of which is non-existent. Yet it can hold us back more than we do ourselves. You are not holding yourself back.
You, the full actual loving being you are, is pulling you out and pushing you on to become your best self. Along the process, the past, almost a bubble of insecurity, is dragging you down. If you feel weighed down, chances are there are great insecurities deep within you that need to be rolled out and ironed like a pair of tidy whities and boy shorts.
How? Dig deep. Your favorite kind of potato-chip bag deep where you can’t stop eating. But wait, don’t eat too much, you may feel a little sick. Our thoughts can be deadly but they are essential to funneling out who we are. When thoughts arise instead of trying to resist the feelings or have them consume you, take them as if you would a movie screening.
Allow them to float in front of you, as a movie , not within you. Watch the thoughts and question where they come from and what they are trying to tell you. If you take these thoughts personally and internalizes them, your wee soul will scrunch up and tighten.
Instead, simply view them. When they arise, write them down. Over time, you’ll start to see a pattern of thoughts that all lead to one insecurity. It will take time to figure out the source of this burden but overtime you’ll become more honest with yourself. Write your insecurities away. It’s a place to be honest. A place to be honest to not anyone but yourself.
Today, I wrote three pages worth of thoughts and found a note next to my three pages, it was half a page and signed with a heart. As I read it over I found out today’s journaling was no different than this note, although greater in length. What I had been dealing with three weeks ago was one in the same, only at the time, I could not fester the truth. The truth takes time but it heal you, help you and harness the real you.
One day you’ll realize, “the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” (Anaïs Nin) Blossom, blossom.
Go on and Blossom.